WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
