When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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