So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
