Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I want a musical about memes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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