Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
