I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
