someone threw a dead crab at me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
