whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
