I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
