the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
