Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
