Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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