even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
