Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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