I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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