this just has baby written all over it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dear god my vagina.
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