Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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