Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
