My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
