Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
