I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
