So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My penis needs a shock collar
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
