I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
