im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
