I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
