i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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