I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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