I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
