Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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