I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
