I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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