You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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