Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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