I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
