Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
