spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
