instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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