I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
