Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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