Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
