Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I still have a little drunk in my system
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
