She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
