no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you traded sex for a burrito?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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