Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
