I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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