In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
