I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
