this beer tastes like vomit already
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
