We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
