Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
