if i can run in heels then i can drive
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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