I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
