Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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