we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize