Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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