I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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