Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
