Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
