He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
