I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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