Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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