Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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