Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
