Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
