he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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