New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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