Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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