Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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