i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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