and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
