I CAN MOONWALK!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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